Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Lol!! … Access Bank Mocks Manchester United after Chelsea's Loss With Super Dope Ad


Manchester United and José Mourinho are not getting any respite from the papers today. Humbled and humiliated at Stamford bridge, José Mourinho has been renamed ‘The humiliated one’.


You won’t love the papers this morning today if you’re a Red and Access Bank has joined the banter party.

The bank took a hilarious swipe at United’s expensive squad while advertising its ‘pay with capture’ feature.

United signed Paul Pogba for a world record fee in the summers alongside other pricey recruits such as Eric Bailly and Henrikh Mhiktryan.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Photos: ‘Ugliest man’ in Zimbabwe Contest to Hold in November

Despite difficulties in securing funds to sustain the pageant, organizers of Mr Ugly Zimbabwe have insisted that it will be held on November 25.

They say this year is exceptional because a lot of sponsors have come on board and preliminary contests are ongoing in other regions before the main event.

“Mr Ugly pageant is on. The sponsors are there. We have active sponsors, who have come on board … Harare is big and has a lot of people, hence we are having contests in a number of suburbs,” the founder of the pageant, David Machowa told local newspaper News Day.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Girlfriend sends porn star to test boyfriend's loyalty - it unsurprisingly backfires massively

Trust is like a mirror. Trust is like a piece if paper. Trust is like a rubber. You get the picture - once broken, crumpled or worn down, it's probably not coming back.


Equally, misplaced suspicion isn't ideal. So, if you decide to test someone, then - your own neuroses aside - you're probably on shaky ground.

One star-crossed lover entered such shaky ground recently when, rather than just go through her boyfriend's phone like regular person, she hired porn star Valerie White to essentially honey-trap him.

As you've probably guessed, it did not end well.

The entire debacle was caught on To Catch a Cheater and documented how it unravelled, rather spectacularly.


Initially, the boyfriend had no interest in Valerie's charms, and did not respond to her flirtations. However, he did eventually politely offer to help her, as she seemed "lost".

Tenacious Valerie kept gunning for his phone number, and asked him if he had a girlfriend. The poor man admitted that he was seeing someone, and innocently suggested they could all get together and hang out.


Flustered by Valerie clearly insinuating she'd be up for a cheeky ménage à trois, the man left the scene after asking her why she was interested in him.

As for the girlfriend?


She admitted to "feeling crazy" and "mixed feelings" about her boyfriend giving the porn star his number and added how she hated her for pursuing her boyfriend.

She finally relents: ""Okay, okay. I'm not going to break up with him but I don't like that he got her number and said he would hang out."


But.... as soon as she told him about the set-up, it didn't end well. AT ALL.

Moments later, she's all smiles as she gives her man a call - but she hadn't counted on how he'd react.

Yep, he dumped her immediately for doubting him and questioning their trust so publically.

He tells her he's done, hangs up on her, as she's left saying: "Are you fvcking kidding me? That's how he breaks up with me after a fvcking year?"

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Pupil with 100% attendance over 5 years furious after given just a certificate and a pen instead of an iPad


A secondary school pupil who missed out on winning an iPad every year for his perfect attendance record has been left disappointed after teachers only awarded him a certificate and a pen.

Sam Stannard, 16, never missed a lesson for five years and even sacrificed family holidays and battled through colds to maintain his perfect record.

Despite being entered into a prize draw each year for students who achieved a 100 per cent attendance, Sam never won the coveted prize - and Apple iPad.

Now Sam admits he regrets missing out on skiing trips with his family after his school gave him a certificate and fountain pen to mark his achievement.


And dad Lee, 52, has also weighed in with his thoughts, admitting he is 'gutted' for his son.

Mr Stannard believes teachers should have given his son the iPad at this year's award ceremony held by Portslade Aldridge Community Academy in Brighton, East Sussex.

Mr Stannard, of Brighton, said: "He [Sam] was a bit disappointed to have got through the whole of secondary school and not miss a lesson, to only be awarded a fountain pen.

"You would have thought for the last day of term prize draw, they would have given him the iPad.

"No one would have known any different if they had just awarded him it to him.

"I was down-hearted for him."

Sporty teenager Sam added: "I started going in everyday, and when I was ill I didn't feel ill enough to stay at home, and then after a few years I realised I had not had a day off school.

"My family goes on holiday skiing most years, and when my whole family went in February, I didn't go.

"Every term I was entered and I wasn't picked once, I was a bit unlucky. But that's the way it goes.


This is the certificate which Sam was awarded


"If I could go back I probably would have gone skiing."

Sam maintained his perfect record but another boy at the school who had previously achieved 100 per cent attendance for five years was given a laptop.

Principal Katie Scott said: "We have worked extremely hard to promote the importance of attendance and we are very proud that attendance figures at PACA are above the national average and the second highest in the city.

"We have driven attendance in a variety of ways, including competitions and awards.


"Attending every day of school over five years is a tremendous achievement for any student.

"We recognised Sam's achievement in the year 11 leavers' assembly and in a special award at our inaugural annual awards ceremony.

"That evening was all about students' successes and achievements being recognised, and their pride in that.

"Every winner received the same prize - a certificate of achievement and a pen."

Monday, October 3, 2016

LMAOO! NIGERIAN SENDS PRESIDENT OBAMA A DM ON INSTAGRAM AND GETS A REPLY



Lmao....this cracked me up!
‘We are manyar than u’

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Lmao! Couples holds their wedding at Shoprite, Ibadan!


Unconfirmed viral reports say the couple in the photo above had their reception at Shop rite in Ibadan over the weekend.


See more photos below:

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

LOL! TRADER ARRESTED IN OGUN FOR NAMING HIS PET DOG ‘BUHARI’


A 30-year-old trader has been arrested by the police in Ogun state for naming his pet dog‘ Buhari.’ The trader, Joe Fortemose Chinakwe, of No 10, Omikunle Street, Sango-Ota, OgunState, was reportedly arrested last weekend, after one of his neighbours of Northern extraction complained bitterly that he named his dog after his father, Alhaji Buhari.

Vanguard learned that the complainant reported the case at Sango Police Station, last Saturday, after which the trader was arrested and detained. However, it was gathered that efforts by the police to recover the dog, which they intended using as evidence failed following a clever move by the suspect. The trader, said to be trading in female wears at a popular market in Sango, allegedly directed his friends secretly to kill the dog and possibly eat the meat in order to avoid being implicated. It was gathered that consistent appeals by his friends and relations for the police to grant him bail failed as the complainant and his kinsmen reportedly threatened to kill the trader if he was released on bail.

Trader denied bail The case, however, took a different dimension two days later when Chinakwe’s relatives went to Sango police station to further plead for his bail only to be informed that the case file and the suspect have been transferred to Ogun State Police Command headquarters at Eleweran. A relation to the suspect, who simply identified himself as Chiedozie, told Vanguard that his brother was being persecuted for no just cause and expressed fears that he may either be poisoned inside police cell or thrown into jail. Chiedozie said: “Chinakwe is a lover of dogs and he names them after things that tickle him. He bought this dog a year ago and named it Buhari .

One Mallam lodged a complaint and when our men got there, we found out that it was true. You know such thing can cause serious breach of the peace and ethnic or religious unrest.

We are charging him to court for conduct likely to cause a breach of peace.” Continuing, he said: “He was arrested last Saturday and we are taking him to court later today (Tuesday) or tomorrow morning (today). You know an average Northerner will feel bad over such a thing. It can cause serious ethnic crisis or religious confrontation because when you are relegating such a name to a certain person, you are indirectly insulting him.”
When asked about the whereabouts of the dogthat will be used as evidence against the suspect, the police spokesman said: “The dogcannot follow anybody except the owner. We will use him as our evidence because he did not deny it.”

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Elephant Kills Man About to Take Selfie with It.

A wild elephant has attacked and killed a man in southern Nepal as he tried to take a selfie with the world’s largest land animal, Parsa Wildlife Reserve authorities said on Wednesday.



 “The man had been driving a water tanker when he stopped to take a photograph with the animal.

“The wild elephant attacked the man and killed him,’’ the officials said.

The wild elephant was part of a herd of 21 jumbos moving from the western to the eastern part of the reserve, an annual movement during the monsoon on Tuesday.

The elephants disrupted traffic on the highway that passes through the forest for several hours.

There are 65 elephants in the Parsa Wildlife Reserve and around 170 total wild elephants in the country.

Deaths from elephant attacks are not uncommon in southern Nepal’s buffer zones near forest areas.

posted from Bloggeroid

DRAMA AT MTN PROJECT FAME AFTER HERBALIST STORM LAGOS AUDITION


A hilarious dramatic scene played out at a popular talent hunt show when a professional herbalist stormed the venue of the MTN project fame reality show auditions in Lagos to showcase his talent.

For Awopeju Olaniyi Philips aka King Phillipiano, it was fame or nothing as the self-professed herbalist stormed the Ultima Studio in his full traditional regalia to slug it out with other music enthusiasts in the Lagos audition of Project Fame West Africa season 9.

Adorned in beads, robes, animal skin and a horsetail to match, the chap claims his costume represents the cultural diversity and the unity of the African continent. Like many others who thronged the Ultima Studio, he had the singular objective of reaching musical fame on the Project Fame platform.

However, for this feat to be achieved, King Phillipiano believed his costume would prove his seriousness to the judges. Like the celebrity he dreamt to be, his presence attracted paparazzi on the yellow carpet.

However, the fame King Phillipiano sought wouldn’t come cheaply for as he had to showcase his vocal prowess to convince the panel of judges comprising Gloria Rhodes, Cobhams Asuquo, and Shola Allyson.

Well, his magic could only get him as far as the arena. His vocal power wasn’t convincing enough for the judges who were nonetheless thrilled by his comical performance and elaborate regalia. He’ll have to try again next time, but not after proper consultations with the oracles.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

If You Have A Dirty Mind, Try These Naughty Riddles!


Do you have a dirty and a nasty mind? Now you'd definitely throw a statement "I don't have a dirty mind, I just have a sexy imagination." Just like me, you'll be baffled by looking at these riddles and think something else. 

Scratch your head and try these naughty riddles and have fun! Don't worry, the answers for the riddles are also here. 

Ready, get set, go!

Riddle 1




I know what exactly you are thinking and I'm kind of pissed off at you. 

The answer is toothpaste. 





You see it was not the one you were thinking. All the best for the next riddles. 

Riddle 2


What could this be?

The answer is 'A Crane.'


Riddle 3


The answer is Chewing gum. 



Share this puzzle with your friends who have a dirty mind. 

Top 10 Hilarious Pictures For The Week

Today, I compiled a list of funny memes gotten from Social Media and Social Chats Networks.
Check out my top 10 this week..

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Wednesday, June 29, 2016

South African pastor commands young woman to sleep inside deep freezer for 30 minutes


Until someone dies, this man won't be stopped. SA pastor commands young woman to sleep inside deep freezer for 30 minutes South African Prophet, Penuel, while ministering commanded a young lady to enter inside a deep refrigerator that was on a high freezing point and ordered her to fall into deep sleep.
 



The prophet then closed the deep refrigerator for more than thirty minutes. After that Thirty minutes he opened the refrigerator and commanded the young lady to wake up, and he asked the lady who had ice on her body what was happening. She replied:

"That inside the deep refridgerator was very hot and she didn't feel any coldness of the ice in the deep freezer"

Monday, June 20, 2016

Woman Arrested For Robbing A Man While Giving Him A Blowjob

A 25-year-old Nashville woman іѕ facing charges оf theft аnd indecent exposure аftеr robbing а man whіlе ѕhе wаѕ performing а s*x act.



Aссоrdіng tо thе arrest report, Jonisia Morris wаѕ “performing oral s*x оn thе victim whіlе sitting іn а car located аt thе Clarion Hotel.” Whіlе performing thе act, Morris allegedly removed thе man’s wallet frоm hіѕ pants pocket whіlе hіѕ pants wеrе dоwn аrоund hіѕ ankles.

Morris tооk thе man’s debit card, hid іt undеr thе passenger seat аnd thеn put thе wallet bасk іntо thе man’s pants. Later, Morris uѕеd thе card tо purchase gas аnd оthеr items аt а filling station. Police write Morris admitted involvement іn оthеr debit card theft cases. Thе woman іѕ bеіng held оn Theft аnd Indecent Exposure charges, thоugh оthеr charges соuld ѕооn follow.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Shocking : See What was Given as Deposit Slip In UBA Bank [photos]



A lady came on IG to share her experience;

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

VIDEO: Couple caught having sex in Bush



This is the moment a randy couple were spotted having sex in the New Forest.

The jaw-dropping footage was filmed by a motorist who had stopped at the beauty spot to take in the views and decided to film the action.

The man and woman clearly thought they wouldn't be seen when they started having sex in the open amongst the heather and gorse of the Hampshire woodland.

But they hadn't noticed a layby 50 yards away, where Richard Rees had pulled in for a quick tea break during a leisurely drive through the National Park.

He spotted the randy couple and at first thought they were fighting in the grass but very quickly realised they were actually having sex.
https://www.datafilehost.com/d/f7306f68

Richard, 35, got out of his car and recorded a quick video of the man, wearing a red T-shirt with his trousers around his ankles, on top of a semi-naked woman.



The couple cannot be identified in the video, prompting amusing comments on Facebook from people suggesting it could be people they know.

Richard, from Bournemouth, Dorset, said:
 "From the car it looked like they were fighting but when we got out we could slightly hear the woman's moaning.

"The layby was empty. It was unusually quiet which only amplified their soundtrack.

See how Ghostbusters catch couple having s3x in a cementary



Real-life ghostbusters discovered 'moans and groans' in cemetery they were investigating were from a midnight PORN movie shoot.

The group were stunned to stumble across a couple having sex among the tombstones surrounded by men filming with cameras and sound equipment.

The disused 19th century graveyard in Sculcoates, East Yorks, is meant to be haunted with ghouls , kids singing Ring-a-Ring o' Roses and ghostly monks — including one called Henry — wandering around.

 Ironically when the duo realised they were being watched by strangers the woman reacted like she'd seen a ghost and bolted.
https://www.datafilehost.com/d/f7306f68

Paranormal expert Mike Covell, 37, of TV show Most Haunted, said:

"The woman was in her 30s and when she saw us she pushed the bloke off, pulled up her knickers and ran.

“They were going at it like rabbits. She was a blonde in her 30s and still had her knickers around her ankles.

“We looked at her and she looked at us. Then she pushed the bloke off her, pulled up her knickers and bolted.



“The guy ran after her, desperately trying to protect his privates from the brambles. We didn’t know where to look.

“Good job all 12 people on the tour were adults because sometimes kids come along.

“One elderly man was so incensed he was ready to chase after them with his walking stick, but I persuaded him to calm down and eat his sandwiches.

“We once saw a monk walking through the cemetery — but nothing like this.

“It was such a beautiful day too.”

Unbelievable : See How a Side-Chick Attacked Her Boyfriend’s Wife on Facebook [Photos]



In this shocking rant that turned out to be a public disgrace, a Benin side-chic has made a mockery of herself by going on Facebook to fight the wife of the man she is having s3x with.


A frustrated sidechic who is in the game for money has left herself totally disgraced after she took the war between her and a man’s wife she is having an affair with to Facebook. The sidechic who went to the wall of the man she is dating exposed her waywardness by ranting and disgracing herself.

See post below:

Friday, May 27, 2016

MARK ANGEL COMEDY: DON'T HELP HIM



Lol,.... This is a lesson to adults who interrupt children's play. He tried to help a child, not knowing what was happening and he put himself in a hot dang.

Watch, Download, Laugh to stitches.
DOWNLOAD


Thursday, May 26, 2016

LOl: Top 10 Funny Pictures and Meme

Today, I combined 10 funny meme and pictures found on DPs, Instagram, Facebook, Whatsapp, E.T.C
Check out the list


More below...



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